He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
