He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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