Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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