I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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