your parents love me but you hate me
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Sorry about my life...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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