also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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