Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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