okay pat passed out under dana's car
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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