Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
