party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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