I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
organizing the empties. That sober.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
