she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
