Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
