I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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