I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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