nut hugger
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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