Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
