we have pet lesbian snakes
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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