I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
