We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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