New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
i think i just lost a toe
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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