So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
