i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
is wine microwaveable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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