apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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