i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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