That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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