I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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