..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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