He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
