I never want to see another naked old woman again.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize