I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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