Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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