you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
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Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
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