Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize