I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
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