im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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