What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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