Three words: puerto rican gang bang
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Randomize