dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
