VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize