wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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