Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He kissed a someone with a penis
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
