I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
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While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
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You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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