Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Randomize
