it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
