I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
