Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
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3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
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I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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