My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
