she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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