I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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