it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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