White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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