also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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