i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
