just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
