Kareoke will never be a sober sport
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i came on her dog
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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