Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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