I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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