Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
