I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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