We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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