I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
