Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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