I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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